Facing the Fear of Being Seen: Identify Your Desires and Shift Your Self Concept

Episode Transcript:

[00:00:00] USB Mics - 1-2: Welcome back to the Art Is… a podcast for artists…

[00:00:04] USB Mics - 3-2: This is episode seven of Season five, and I'm delighted to be joined for this season with Lauren Hill from Curated Splash, my co-host.

[00:00:15] USB Mics - 1-2: We're here in sunny Los Angeles recording live!

[00:00:19] USB Mics - 1-2: As an artist or creative, there's this deep desire to be visible. Maybe it's you, the ones to be visible, or your work, or a combination of the two. There might even be a desire below that to be.

[00:00:41] USB Mics - 1-2: and understanding why you wanna be visible will essentially help you become more seen.

[00:00:49] USB Mics - 1-2: There's a lot of self-doubt that comes up when thinking about being in the public. what are people gonna think of Will I be judged? What do I think of So really diving deep into figuring out why you wanna be visible will help you understand and strengthen your belief that you can do it. So here's some questions to ask yourself. Why do you love what you have to offer? Why is what you have to offer so amazing? How would you show up if you believed that there were people in line ready and waiting to buy from you? You can even imagine. your business as a store with an actual line at the door.

[00:01:50] USB Mics - 1-2: The door is shut. You're not open for business yet, but there's a full line waiting for you and waiting for what you have, and all you have to do is open the door and people will hand you money for what you're providing. How would you show up differently if you believe?

[00:02:10] USB Mics - 1-2: what you have to offer change their life? Truly understanding your why is the key to moving things forward.

[00:02:30] USB Mics - 1-2: so is. , what has your experience been with sharing your own work and the fear that has come up while promoting your own business?

[00:02:42] USB Mics - 4-2: Well, that's an interesting question. Thank you for

asking me. I guess I has never really thought about the intention behind posting and I guess I always understood…

[00:02:59] USB Mics - 3-2: The importance of sharing on Instagram, but I had never really set an actual intention

[00:03:04] USB Mics - 3-2: for how I wanted to show up. My Instagram account was a personal account that has

now merged into a professional account. And when I was in art school I would share here and there for fun and just, you know, as a kind of self archive and you know, to share with some close friends and family. And, you know, I never really thought too intentionally and then I guess I graduated and the reality set in of how much I needed to learn about developing a professional practice as an artist,

[00:03:45] USB Mics - 3-2: I was really intimidated by what I was seeing on Instagram, and I was really comparing myself and what I saw as like the lack of progress to those around and so instead of even sharing what I was doing and where I was at and what I was working on, I just didn't share at all and I got quite intimidated by my own limiting beliefs and so I wasn’t making an art work for an entire after graduating and I felt like I wasn't worthy

[00:04:23] USB Mics - 3-2: of sharing and that, that I didn't have anything interesting to contribute and so I should just be absent.

[00:04:31] USB Mics - 3-2: and at the same time, I began realizing a little bit of my own personal beliefs around how I wanted to show up online and on

[00:04:40] USB Mics - 3-2: social media.

[00:04:41] USB Mics - 3-2: I'm not interested in sharing my personal life on

[00:04:44] USB Mics - 4-2: social media and on Instagram. I know a lot of people enjoy doing that, and, you know, that's great. I'm just not as interested in doing that. And so I just decided not to share my life and so I didn't share any of my work. And, you know,

[00:04:59] USB Mics - 3-2: just as we've been discussing the various versions of yourself that exist, you don't have to share all of those versions, but everybody knows how important Instagram is for developing professional practice as an artist. And I realizedthat I wasn't exempt from that and that I was missing out by not sharing and that it was a really easy thing within my control, entirely within my control of how and what message I was putting out there. And so by shifting my focus of my IG to really a documentary archive of the work that I've been doing.

[00:05:40] USB Mics - 4-2: You know, narrated by myself, , in terms of the quantity of details I wanted to share or not share.

[00:05:47] USB Mics - 4-2: I've realized that it's actually not that big of a deal, and I

[00:05:51] USB Mics - 4-2: was

[00:05:51] USB Mics - 3-2: really

[00:05:52] USB Mics - 3-2: holding onto a lot of anxiety and self-doubt about something

[00:05:57] USB Mics - 4-2: that is

[00:05:58] USB Mics - 4-2: totally

[00:05:59] USB Mics - 3-2: within my control to do or not to.

[00:06:02] USB Mics - 3-2: and

[00:06:02] USB Mics - 3-2: I was wasting

[00:06:03] USB Mics - 3-2: a lot of time and energy on feeling badly about not showing up

[00:06:07] USB Mics - 4-2: not

[00:06:07] USB Mics - 3-2: sharing,

[00:06:09] USB Mics - 3-2: and I just am relieved to not care so much about that anymore and just kind of let it be as helpful as it possibly can be for me. And that's it.

[00:06:23] USB Mics - 1-2: Yeah, that's the perfect example because what I'm hearing is.

[00:06:29] USB Mics - 1-2: you got clear with your intention as to why you wanted to share, why you wanted to be visible. Because before, maybe there was some thoughts going on, like, but I don't wanna be visible. Like I don't want this part of my life to be visible, so why would I be sharing? But there is part of you, part of your practice that you do want to be visible so it's understanding what parts of it and then. getting clear on like how you can share that.

[00:07:02] USB Mics - 1-3: Another way to boost your visibility is to really understand your ideal customer and client avatar. When you understand your ideal client, you essentially know how to market. . And the best way to understand the characteristics of your ideal client is to use real life people. And if you haven't made your first sale yet, that's okay because you can just use a previous or current version of yourself as the person interested in buying from you.

[00:07:45] USB Mics - 1-3: So take one of your current or previous. That had the following characteristics to make up your I D E A L, your ideal customer. The I stands for interests are similar to yours. D is for decisive and ready to take. E is for excellent testimonial or review. A is for able to pay. An L loves what you have to offer,

[00:08:31] USB Mics - 1-3: So in this exercise you can write down a few people who have purchased from you that qualify as each of the attributes. What kind of person were they and why did they need what you have? What made them so ready to buy, and what specifically did they say in their review that they loved about your product or.

[00:08:56] USB Mics - 1-3: And if you're a brand new business, like I said, if you haven't had any customers before, that's okay too. You can just use a version of yourself for this exercise, and disregard that e line without the testimonial review. You don't need that. So just think about when in your life would you have been ready and willing to buy what you have to offer.

[00:09:20] USB Mics - 1-3: Right? , why would that version of you absolutely love what you have to offer? And here's some other questions to ask. Working with a few more constraints, who do you want to help or serve? Where do you envision your work living? What types of people already come to you for what you have to. , what kind of goals and values do these people have, and what kind of challenges or frustrations are they facing?

[00:10:00] USB Mics - 1-4: So

[00:10:00] USB Mics - 1-4: truly understanding your why is the key to

[00:10:02] USB Mics - 1-4: moving things forward so that you can become.

[00:10:07] USB Mics - 1-4: Another idea

[00:10:08] USB Mics - 1-4: that Ista and I have been

[00:10:11] USB Mics - 1-4: discussing is around

[00:10:13] USB Mics - 1-4: the area of risk

[00:10:15] USB Mics - 3-4: and how

[00:10:17] USB Mics - 4-4: showing

[00:10:17] USB Mics - 3-4: up

[00:10:18] USB Mics - 3-4: and deciding

[00:10:19] USB Mics - 4-4: that you wanna be visible comes.

[00:10:23] USB Mics - 4-4: with

[00:10:23] USB Mics - 4-4: risk

[00:10:24] USB Mics - 3-4: and overcoming fear

[00:10:26] USB Mics - 4-4: and self-doubt,

[00:10:28] USB Mics - 3-4: and

[00:10:30] USB Mics - 3-4: it just made us think

[00:10:31] USB Mics - 4-4: of

[00:10:31] USB Mics - 3-4: this passage from Julia Cameron's the artist way that we wanted to share. What would I do if I didn't have to do it perfectly?

[00:10:43] USB Mics - 4-4: A great

[00:10:43] USB Mics - 3-4: deal more than I. We've all heard that an unexamined life is not worth living, but consider too that the unlived life

[00:10:51] USB Mics - 4-4: is not worth

[00:10:52] USB Mics - 3-4: examining. The success of creative recovery hinges on our ability to move out of the head and into action. This brings us squarely to risk.

[00:11:03] USB Mics - 4-4: Most

[00:11:04] USB Mics - 3-4: of us are practiced at taking ourselves out of risk. We are skilled speculators on the probable pain of self exposure. I'll look

[00:11:13] USB Mics - 4-4: like an

[00:11:13] USB Mics - 4-4: idiot.

[00:11:14] USB Mics - 3-4: We. conjuring images of our first

[00:11:16] USB Mics - 4-4: acting class,

[00:11:17] USB Mics - 3-4: our first hobbled short story, or our terrible drawings. Part of the game here is lining up the masters and measuring our baby steps against their perfect craft.

[00:11:28] USB Mics - 3-4: We don't compare our

[00:11:29] USB Mics - 4-4: student

[00:11:29] USB Mics - 3-4: films to George Lucas's student films. Instead we compare them to Star Wars. We deny that in order to do something well, we must first be willing to do it badly.

We opt for setting our limits. At the point where we feel assured of success living within these bounds, we may feel stifled, smothered, despairing, bored. But yes, we do feel safe, and safety is a very expensive illusion. In order to risk, we must jettison our accepted limits. You must break through. I can't because I'm too old, too broke, too shy, too timorous. Usually when we say we can't do something, what we mean is that we won't do something unless we can guarantee that we'll do it perfectly. Working artists know the folly of this stance. There's a common joke among

directors. Oh yeah. I always know exactly how I should direct to the picture after I've done it. End quote.

[00:12:31] USB Mics - 1-4: I absolutely love that quote, and it reminds me of another

[00:12:36] USB Mics - 1-4: quote that someone told me, which is bring the body and the

[00:12:40] USB Mics - 1-4: mind will follow.

[00:12:43] USB Mics - 1-4: This is such a wonderful concept because a

[00:12:48] USB Mics - 1-4: lot of times

[00:12:49] USB Mics - 1-4: when we're

[00:12:50] USB Mics - 1-4: showing.

[00:12:52] USB Mics - 1-4: we

[00:12:53] USB Mics - 1-4: have all the thoughts that

[00:12:54] USB Mics - 1-4: go along with it, all the self-doubt that goes along with it.

[00:12:58] USB Mics - 1-4: so simplifying things and just showing up before you start overthinking things allows the ball to get moving.

[00:13:07] USB Mics - 1-4: We overcomplicate so many things with our expectations, our feelings, our thoughts, and instead just allowing ourselves to take action letting go of all the thoughts and feelings that we have and just

showing up is essentially a, a great way to create inertia. And speaking of the desire to be famous, that some of us have, I have a great clip here from an interview that I did with Christina Morris, who is a photographer based in the Napa Valley, and she talks about her experience going viral when she was 27 weeks pregnant and recording a dance video. So here's it is:

[00:00:00] Lauryn: I mean, it sounds like you've created almost like this whole community too, of, you know, it, it's so cool.

Cristina: I think Napa being smaller, my involvement in the community with dance and church and now second half of what I was saying earlier with the dance, do I still dance? The answer's no, but I teach rhythm cycling.

[00:00:20] Uh, what is rhythm cycling? Well, Spin is not the answer. I hate spin. I tell my writers all the time, I hate spin. I do not wanna climb a mountain and then go down the backside. Peloton. I bought one. I wrote it 15 times in a year. It was a great close rack. Then after I sold that, the owner of the society here in Napa was like, do you wanna teach cycle?

[00:00:40] I was like, I'd rather cut my toe off with a dull butter knife, like a no. And she's like, but I think you'd be great. And I'm like, I'd rather not. So she ended up taking me to a, um, a soul cycle in Walnut Creek. And I was like, okay. Like I, I see where this is going. So it involves my love of fitness and music.

[00:01:01] I'm such a music person. Like music is always on. Always, always on. Um, and then dance, because we do movements on the bike. So we're dropping, we're pushing, we're tapping, we're elbows, we're like body rolls and stuff. And for me, it's just, oh, it's just it. But I, I would never wanna teach a basic spin class.

[00:01:22] If we didn't have the moves. I'd be like, I'm out. I'm knitting or something in my, I don't know, in my spare time I don't even have that. So, yeah, it, it's, So much fun. So much fun. And then so those people, I've actually photographed many of my writers and it's been really cool. Yeah. So as far as just from the background side of it too, like promotion, like people thinking about someone who's interested in becoming a photographer and they're just trying to like get promotion, let let people know about what they're doing.

[00:01:54] So what I'm hearing is like you're involved in the community and through word of mouth even. Yeah. So like in this, In the classes, like someone might just, it's not like you're being like, oh, by the way, I'm a photographer, you know? Or do you Sometimes, every once in a while, because I'll have writers in the room, so it's, yeah, I'm not like, Hello, my name is Christina.

[00:02:18] I own a photography studio. You should come. Here's a coupon. Like it's not that, but I'll be like, did you guys see Jill on my Instagram? She got married. Y'all, you know, just calling stuff out. Great. Or I hear that some somebody got engaged and they're one of my writers. I don't just approach like random strangers.

[00:02:39] I don't do that. But if I know somebody, and it's funny, I've been on Instagram. It's probably been nine years, maybe. Mm. Ish. Been doing this. 11. My best friend don't lie. You know? You do. I mean, yes and no. I do and I don't you word of mouth. She shares all the time too. Um, um, people still don't know that I do photography, like I don't.

[00:03:05] Where, what rock have you been under? Like, that's basically one big giant rock or a cave, but they're like, do you do weddings? I'm like, yes. Yes. Like, what? Yeah, let me send you my pricing. Uh, but, and that's, I think that's so important for people to know because. A lot of my clients struggle with self-promotion and it, it feels cringey and it feels like, you know, I'm telling people too, too much about myself and sharing too much, but like, they still like this point in your career when you have so much business.

[00:03:41] You have a bunch of followers, you have a network, people still don't know and you still have to remind people. Like that just means it you. It's okay to share all the time, like people wanna know and how much more for the new guy versus the vet or whatever. But I think I'm also, we talked about, you know, this energy that I have, like you say, oh, this feels cringey.

[00:04:06] I'm sharing too much. I literally t m I all the time. Like I don't, I don't know, I don't even care. Like that's just who I am and I think people either love me or hate me for it. So, Whatever, but they'll, they'll come to me. Here's the reality. Whether you make soap and you sell soap, or you're a photographer or you make baby blankets or jam, I don't know, everybody has a net or, or like how many photographers are in Napa?

[00:04:37] So many, I don't even know. A smidgen of them, but why would people book me versus the next person or the next person? It's 'cause they're gonna fall in love with who I am. So it's important for me to be me. It's important for that girl who makes those bombass soaps to to be the bombass soap lady because you can go buy soap anywhere.

[00:04:57] You're gonna buy it because you're gonna wanna support her or him. So I've just been my greatest marketing. I pay for Yelp. Um, Yelp rarely brings me business. 'cause a lot of people coming in same week, we need a a two hours on a Saturday and it's Tuesday. And I'm like, that's cute. Um, I now have an associate, so we have a little bit more availability.

[00:05:19] That's been exciting this last year. It's been growing so much that I need more help. Um, but my. Social media is my marketing. I'm on there. I'm showing who I am. I'm very like open about my personal life. Again, for some people, they don't wanna share. Nobody. Not everyone likes to be on camera. I wouldn't say I like to be on camera, but I'm not afraid of it.

[00:05:44] Mm-hmm. And so I literally get messages weekly. They're like, I love following you on Instagram. You make me laugh, you brighten my day, like, Hey, what do you do this, do you do that? I'd be interested in pricing, you know, so people start to fall in love with me. They fall me for however many years, and then they're like, oh, I know who I'm gonna call if I have a photography need.

[00:06:08] You know? Yeah, yeah. So you're, you're offering up a connection a way to be like, here I am, this is me. And like, if you're, if you're into it, Like this is a way to connect. Yeah. Like it's, yeah. It's as simple as that. And you know,

[00:06:26] I have a question about that viral video. Yeah. Did that bring you more clients or did it bring you, you know, did, what was that experience like?

[00:06:39] Tell people a little bit about this experience. 'cause I remember that years ago. Yeah. That was crazy. So, like I said, I've taught dance at Napa High for 13 years. In, in, in another studio as well, so after I would teach, I would perform with the kids, um, not to perform with the kids necessarily.

[00:07:01] Although one of my, with my first daughter I did, my grandpa showed up. Um, He's no longer with us. My grandpa, my aunt, my mom and everyone showed up. And so I danced with the class to show up my grandpa really? And I was 20 something weeks with Layla. And so that was cool. And so each time I got pregnant, I would still dance.

[00:07:23] And so this was my third and final pregnancy. I said, I have four kids. I have a bonus baby. Um, with my marriage here. Um, But I was pregnant with Lincoln and I said to my buddy Alio, I said, can you record this? 'cause this ain't happening again. I am not doing this again. Um, and I was 27 weeks and I went for it and I ended up posting it on Facebook for my friends and I forget who it was.

[00:07:50] I think it was a photographer somewhere in the Midwest that's very like detailed. I do remember that. And she asked, can you make it public? I wanna share. And I was like, sure. Made it public. I think it was in 24 hours. It was like 7,000 views, 11,000 views, 18. And it just started going and going and going.

[00:08:12] And then when they say viral, they mean it. I mean, uh, I remember, I, I remember, do you say remember I do that a lot? Um, it was a New York City Radio dj and he shared it on his page. And this was being shared. I mean, Jillian Michael shared it, baby Center, shared it. Um, The Ellen show called me. I was due too close to Christmas.

[00:08:35] They wouldn't let me. Come on. And I was like, you'll be late. Don't worry. My baby's come like eight years late. It's fine. And he did two weeks late. Um, but because they book their, their Christmas shows out, they have 'em very much scheduled. If I was to go into labor, it would throw off their whole jam. So I get it.

[00:08:54] I should have asked to come on after he was born and done the same dance with him. But, so this radio DJ shared it and it was 25 million views, I think in 48 hours. That was one, one video. So the cool thing is when you have a video that starts gaining traction, these, these companies reach out to you, Hey, we wanna, you know, rep your video.

[00:09:16] And I was like, oh my gosh. Okay. So they're bargaining with people. They're like, we'll give you 50 50 or we'll give you 60 50. I was like, 80 20. And they're like deals like, oh, okay. So it got represented by Viral Hog and um, So anytime you see a video pop up, if you see a name, you know, on it, they're, they're getting benefits, uh, royalties.

[00:09:37] So I made like, I don't know, $3,500 off of this video, which is pretty cool. Um, totally like not planned. And then Barcroft Media, their British, uh, like online media company, they did a little documentary on me. So there's like this little mini documentary on YouTube and I'm like walking through the park with my kids and he is like, Christina Lightle, how's.

[00:09:58] Three, you know, two DOLs and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh, it's so much cooler with an accent. Um, so that was just, it was just such a cool time. So unexpected. Uh, they recorded me teaching a class, other pregnant gals. And, um, it was neat. You know, families text me. I remember I was shooting a wedding and I was getting texts.

[00:10:18] It's at 40 million or, you know, whatever it was, whatever the numbers was. And I'm like, ah. So it was just really cool and it will pop up. Something just popped up last week. It was like, 30 amazing women. There's like women taming snakes and alligators. And then there's me just like with my belly, you know?

[00:10:35] I don't know how that, you know, evens out, but whatever you put me at, fine. Um, and so what happens is you see, this is what happens. So you're on Facebook and you're like, oh my gosh, did you see that pregnant lady dancing? Whatever. So then you go to YouTube, Pregnant lady dancing, and inevitably you're gonna find it and you're gonna watch it every time you watch it.

[00:10:57] It's a royalty and it's small. So you think about these people that release videos every week or every day, like that's where the money's at. So if you could figure out how to go viral and start your YouTube account, like I'm like, I need to figure this out because that's just too much fun. Lots of work, but it'd be fun.

[00:11:16] That's so crazy. Well, I definitely feel like this has to be shared again today so people can, who haven't seen it, can watch it. So if you can share a link on your story, that would be so fun. And I wanna reshare it too. Yeah. Just so people know about it. 'cause it is such a great video and you know, you're an inspiration like that.

[00:11:35] That's awesome that you can do that with your body. And like what about, I'm curious about the, the feedback, like how did you deal with people,responding So, well, first of all, it was really cool 'cause it was on entertainment. Was it entertainment or E, it was on some entertainment tonight or something like that.

[00:11:52] I don't wanna say a hundred percent, but I'm pretty freaking sure I started the pregnant mom dancing on the internet like movement.

[00:12:01] And then it was like, oh, this woman's working out and she's pregnant. but it just blew up. Um, women can still function while pregnant with a concept, you know?

[00:12:11] but the, the backlash from the internet was equal parts support, probably more, it was more supportive than it was. Offensive. Um, but people said really heinous things. Heinous. And you imagine, like I said, I'm two weeks late. I'm sitting here with like a pint of ice cream crying. I'm gonna say this 'cause I don't care.

[00:12:30] Somebody once it went to like yahoo.com and aol.com, you're just a screen name, right? No, there's no accountability on Facebook. You can click somebody's name and see mutual friends and stuff and be like, yeah, you definitely live in a basement. Um, but once you got onto the, the. Big interwebs. It was, it was crazy.

[00:12:47] So they did this article, they talked about my ex-husband being a cop, and the my daughter's names, and this was my first son. And somebody's comment, I'll never forget it, I could say it verbatim, said, I wonder what trailer park that cop had to drag a dollar through to get that Bowser. I was like cried. Oh my God.

[00:13:12] When ex comes in and he is like, why are you reading that stuff? I'm like, because I need to know what they're saying. You know, like I'm huge. I'm like a way all over here just waiting. Everyone's having their babies that are due after me and I was just, yeah, I was self-sabotaging. It was terrible. Someone said that I look like Jay Leno.

[00:13:31] I mean, the comments were. Gosh, that's a prosthetic. She's, she's every name in the book, by the way. This is, uh, we know how she got pregnant. It's like, yeah, Dave. It's called Intercourse. But clearly, 'cause I was, you know, twerking so hard that, um, the Maculate conception, but it was, it was crazy. Like, oh, the baby's gonna drop out.

[00:13:56] How ex, how? Disgusting and disrespectful of you, your baby's gonna have shaken baby syndrome. It's like, good Lord. So how did you deal with that? Did you just kind of be like, all right, I'm not gonna listen to this shut down. Or did it really affect you? I read everything like, I hope the Kardashians and everyone just doesn't read their comments.

[00:14:20] 'cause people on their on the internet are so foul. They're just so. Heartless and mean, and I think some of 'em are just like, eh, look what I can do. Like, let me get a rile outta somebody. In that Barcroft documentary, I said, look, it's somebody's mom, daughter, sister, wife, like, and you're belittling them for what?

[00:14:40] For what? You know, it's, it's I, after that I was like, Ooh, I know they're celebrities and they seem like they're untouchable, but they're humans, and so you just don't say anything. And I'm not calling myself a celebrity. I just how people think that their opinion. Is even just why speak it? What did, who was it?

[00:15:00] Flower. You have nothing nice to say or, yeah, don't say anything at all from Bambi. Um, my kids need to watch that. I was like, here it is a life lesson. But do you think, do you think that experience made you a stronger person? Yeah. I, I do think so. I think it definitely has to thicken up your skin.

[00:15:32] someone can watch my dance video sideswipe to that and be like, that's amazing. And someone's like, she's a h o e, you know? So, but with photography, I've done the same love and, and attention to detail. 110% every time I show up. And someone's not gonna be happy and.

[00:15:55] You're sitting there like, what did I do wrong? you could be the sweetest, juiciest, most beautiful peach and somebody's not gonna like peaches. Someone said that to me during my divorce and I was like, yes. That is so, so true. And I, that has stuck with me. Um, the peach analogy.

[00:16:15] So when someone's unhappy with. My video or unhappy with my spin class or unhappy with my photo shoot, um, I'm thankful that that has not happened very often. Um, if I have an hour shoot and I don't have what I need in an hour, I go over the hour. Do, you know, I'm like, I want to provide that service that's gonna open up their mind and heart to.

[00:16:42] Accepting themselves in a, in a photo, which is, it seems so simple, but so many of us don't like pictures of ourselves. So my goal is to give you something that you're gonna love. And that sometimes takes a lot of time and a lot of effort, and it's exhausting. But it's worth for sure, so worth it.

[00:13:52] I have a question about that viral video. Did that bring you more clients or did it bring you, what was that experience like?

[00:14:03] Tell people a little bit about this experience. 'cause I remember that years ago. Yeah. That was crazy. So, like I said, I've taught dance at Napa High for 13 years. In, in, in another studio as well, so after I would teach, I would perform with the kids, um, not to perform with the kids necessarily.

[00:14:25] Although one of my, with my first daughter I did, my grandpa showed up. Um, He's no longer with us. My grandpa, my aunt, my mom and everyone showed up. And so I danced with the class to show up my grandpa really? And I was 20 something weeks with Layla. And so that was cool. And so each time I got pregnant, I would still dance.

[00:14:47] And so this was my third and final pregnancy. I said, I have four kids. I have a bonus baby. Um, with my marriage here. Um, But I was pregnant with Lincoln and I said to my buddy Alio, I said, can you record this? 'cause this ain't happening again. I am not doing this again. Um, and I was 27 weeks and I went for it and I ended up posting it on Facebook for my friends and I forget who it was.

[00:15:14] I think it was a photographer somewhere in the Midwest that's very like detailed. I do remember that. And she asked, can you make it public? I wanna share. And I was like, sure. Made it public. I think it was in 24 hours. It was like 7,000 views, 11,000 views, 18. And it just started going and going and going.

[00:15:35] And then when they say viral, they mean it. I mean, uh, I remember, I, I remember, do you say remember I do that a lot? Um, it was a New York City Radio dj and he shared it on his page. And this was being shared. I mean, Jillian Michael shared it, baby Center, shared it. Um, The Ellen show called me. I was due too close to Christmas.

[00:15:59] They wouldn't let me. Come on. And I was like, you'll be late. Don't worry. My baby's come like eight years late. It's fine. And he did two weeks late. Um, but because they book their, their Christmas shows out, they have 'em very much scheduled. If I was to go into labor, it would throw off their whole jam. So I get it.

[00:16:17] I should have asked to come on after he was born and done the same dance with him. But, so this radio DJ shared it and it was 25 million views, I think in 48 hours. That was one, one video. So the cool thing is when you have a video that starts gaining traction, these, these companies reach out to you, Hey, we wanna, you know, rep your video.

[00:16:39] And I was like, oh my gosh. Okay. So they're bargaining with people. They're like, we'll give you 50 50 or we'll give you 60 50. I was like, 80 20. And they're like deals like, oh, okay. So it got represented by Viral Hog and um, So anytime you see a video pop up, if you see a name, you know, on it, they're, they're getting benefits, uh, royalties.

[00:17:00] So I made like, I don't know, $3,500 off of this video, which is pretty cool. Um, totally like not planned. And then Barcroft Media, their British, uh, like online media company, they did a little documentary on me. So there's like this little mini documentary on YouTube and I'm like walking through the park with my kids and he is like, Christina Lightle, how's.

[00:17:22] Three, you know, two DOLs and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh, it's so much cooler with an accent. Um, so that was just, it was just such a cool time. So unexpected. Uh, they recorded me teaching a class, other pregnant gals. And, um, it was neat. You know, families text me. I remember I was shooting a wedding and I was getting texts.

[00:17:42] It's at 40 million or, you know, whatever it was, whatever the numbers was. And I'm like, ah. So it was just really cool and it will pop up. Something just popped up last week. It was like, 30 amazing women. There's like women taming snakes and alligators. And then there's me just like with my belly, you know?

[00:17:59] I don't know how that, you know, evens out, but whatever you put me at, fine. Um, and so what happens is you see, this is what happens. So you're on Facebook and you're like, oh my gosh, did you see that pregnant lady dancing? Whatever. So then you go to YouTube, Pregnant lady dancing, and inevitably you're gonna find it and you're gonna watch it every time you watch it.

[00:18:21] It's a royalty and it's small. So you think about these people that release videos every week or every day, like that's where the money's at. So if you could figure out how to go viral and start your YouTube account, like I'm like, I need to figure this out because that's just too much fun. Lots of work, but it'd be fun.

[00:18:40] That's so crazy. Well, I definitely feel like this has to be shared again today so people can, who haven't seen it, can watch it. So if you can share a link on your story, that would be so fun. And I wanna reshare it too. Yeah. Just so people know about it. 'cause it is such a great video and you know, you're an inspiration like that.

[00:18:59] That's awesome that you can do that with your body. And like what about, I'm curious about the, the feedback, like how did you deal with people, responding So, well, first of all, it was really cool 'cause it was on entertainment. Was it entertainment or E, it was on some entertainment tonight or something like that.

[00:19:16] I don't wanna say a hundred percent, but I'm pretty freaking sure I started the pregnant mom dancing on the internet like movement.

[00:19:24] And then it was like, oh, this woman's working out and she's pregnant. but it just blew up. Um, women can still function while pregnant with a concept, you know?

[00:19:35] but the, the backlash from the internet was equal parts support, probably more, it was more supportive than it was. Offensive. Um, but people said really heinous things. Heinous. And you imagine, like I said, I'm two weeks late. I'm sitting here with like a pint of ice cream crying. I'm gonna say this 'cause I don't care.

[00:19:54] Somebody once it went to like yahoo.com and aol.com, you're just a screen name, right? No, there's no accountability on Facebook. You can click somebody's name and see mutual friends and stuff and be like, yeah, you definitely live in a basement. Um, but once you got onto the, the. Big interwebs. It was, it was crazy.

[00:20:11] So they did this article, they talked about my ex-husband being a cop, and the my daughter's names, and this was my first son. And somebody's comment, I'll never forget it, I could say it verbatim, said, I wonder what trailer park that cop had to drag a dollar through to get that Bowser. I was like cried. Oh my God.

[00:20:36] When ex comes in and he is like, why are you reading that stuff? I'm like, because I need to know what they're saying. You know, like I'm huge. I'm like a way all over here just waiting. Everyone's having their babies that are due after me and I was just, yeah, I was self-sabotaging. It was terrible. Someone said that I look like Jay Leno.

[00:20:55] I mean, the comments were. Gosh, that's a prosthetic. She's, she's every name in the book, by the way. This is, uh, we know how she got pregnant. It's like, yeah, Dave. It's called Intercourse. But clearly, 'cause I was, you know, twerking so hard that, um, the Maculate conception, but it was, it was crazy. Like, oh, the baby's gonna drop out.

[00:21:19] How ex, how? Disgusting and disrespectful of you, your baby's gonna have shaken baby syndrome. It's like, good Lord. So how did you deal with that? Did you just kind of be like, all right, I'm not gonna listen to this shut down. Or did it really affect you? I read everything like, I hope the Kardashians and everyone just doesn't read their comments.

[00:21:44] 'cause people on their on the internet are so foul. They're just so. Heartless and mean, and I think some of 'em are just like, eh, look what I can do. Like, let me get a rile outta somebody. In that Barcroft documentary, I said, look, it's somebody's mom, daughter, sister, wife, like, and you're belittling them for what?

[00:22:04] For what? You know, it's, it's I, after that I was like, Ooh, I know they're celebrities and they seem like they're untouchable, but they're humans, and so you just don't say anything. And I'm not calling myself a celebrity. I just how people think that their opinion. Is even just why speak it? What did, who was it?

[00:22:24] Flower. You have nothing nice to say or, yeah, don't say anything at all from Bambi. Um, my kids need to watch that. I was like, here it is a life lesson. But do you think, do you think that experience made you a stronger person? Yeah. I, I do think so. I think it definitely has to thicken up your skin.

[00:22:56] someone can watch my dance video sideswipe to that and be like, that's amazing. And someone's like, she's a h o e, you know? So, but with photography, I've done the same love and, and attention to detail. 110% every time I show up. And someone's not gonna be happy and.

[00:23:19] You're sitting there like, what did I do wrong? you could be the sweetest, juiciest, most beautiful peach and somebody's not gonna like peaches. Someone said that to me during my divorce and I was like, yes. That is so, so true. And I, that has stuck with me. Um, the peach analogy.

[00:23:39] So when someone's unhappy with. My video or unhappy with my spin class or unhappy with my photo shoot, um, I'm thankful that that has not happened very often. Um, if I have an hour shoot and I don't have what I need in an hour, I go over the hour. Do, you know, I'm like, I want to provide that service that's gonna open up their mind and heart to.

[00:24:05] Accepting themselves in a, in a photo, which is, it seems so simple, but so many of us don't like pictures of ourselves. So my goal is to give you something that you're gonna love. And that sometimes takes a lot of time and a lot of effort, and it's exhausting. But it's worth for sure, so worth it.

[00:24:21] USB Mics - 2-5: I love hearing her experience with going viral. And the analogy of the juicy peach that she refers to you could be the juiciest peach out there, but not

[00:24:32] USB Mics - 2-5: everyone

[00:24:32] USB Mics - 2-5: loves peaches.

[00:24:34] USB Mics - 2-5: It's interesting to reflect on Christina's story and recognize how these few moments of fame can bring up like, almost like shadow desires within yourself. So, um, the idea of, you know, wanting to be famous or the idea of wanting to make a certain amount of money or the idea of wanting to exist in a certain community, I think it's really interesting to reflect.

[00:25:01] Isotta: On those shadow desires and on those, you know, things that maybe you haven't even really admitted to yourself that you are seeking. And as Lauren has so expertly shared in the previous episode, perhaps The best way forward is to examine them further and to sit with those desires and to, you know, explore them and not judge yourself for them, but to sit with them and bring them into your, you know, inner world and examine them with respect and with curiosity.

[00:25:39] Lauryn: Yeah, because as you go for the things that you want too, there's these certain Self-concept shifts that have to happen, and just even understanding first for yourself what you want before you put it out to the world. Like that's okay, right? Like keeping it close to your heart, holding your, your dreams and desires close to your heart so that people don't.

[00:26:13] Lauryn: You know, mess with those dreams essentially. And then a, you know, bit by bit kind of shifting as you start shifting that self concept of, you know, maybe even, it's just the idea of you being an artist, you know, a lot of people, a lot of the clients I work with, It's transitioning from this one, like corporate self into being more of an artist and, and letting themselves call themselves an artist like I am an artist, and telling that to people.

[00:26:47] Lauryn: Sometimes it's even just that shift and uh, and allowing yourself to own it, owning that desire and. Even if it is the desire to be famous, right? Or to have a huge following or to run a large company or to, you know, to win a Grammy or to, you know, like something at a really high level that you see for yourself and that you authentically.

[00:27:21] Lauryn: Desire, and I think it's fun to play around with sharing that with people. But you know, a lot of people have their own opinions and projections about those things. So just knowing that when you do share those things, you're not always gonna get the encouragement and support that you may, may want as well.

[00:27:45] Isotta: and it really makes me think of like even just the desire of not only calling yourself an artist, but like just doing artwork. So few people, you know, within the public discourse, like just being a working artist who sustains themselves from their practice is, is not like a discussed topic. You know, even just that, maybe that shadow idea of like, just wanting to sell your work.

[00:28:11] Isotta: And so it makes me think about like how helpful exercises are. Like the ideal, uh, customer avatar that you explained earlier can be in just demystifying some of these. Things that maybe seem so out of reach, but actually by just, you know, meditating on them and looking into them can, you know, slowly be unpacked and of course, like shared with your community and you know, your.

[00:28:40] Isotta: People around you, but maybe even just like kept to yourself so that you know, with repetition and with focus, they become less scary or less ridiculous and slowly become attainable.

[00:28:55] Lauryn: Yeah. And, and you hit on a great point of like taking action, you know, doing the art. Because it's, that's the journey, that's the process. That's the shift. That's the self-concept shift that needs to happen through the action. And like, you know, I, I brought up before like take the body and the mind will follow.

[00:29:16] Lauryn: Just getting out there, experimenting, taking action. Letting go of the thoughts, all of the thoughts, other people's thoughts, your thoughts, you know, the thoughts that are limiting you, the thoughts that are holding you back, the thoughts that are keeping you stuck, and just get out there and take action.